1. Position by title doesn’t reflect the position of the heart.
I remembered “getting to know” a young man who started a non-profit organization, was a leader in the college age group at a church, and who seemed to be a Jesus-loving man of God. I thought to myself that he was the standard. When he ghosted me a month into talking almost every day, I was shocked. Completely taken aback. Wasn’t this a man after God’s heart? He made me feel special and that I meant something to him long-term. This was when I encountered first-hand title/position without character. If a man doesn’t have the character to support the promotion, he will eventually stumble.
Character is huge. When man promotes himself, eventually there is a fall. When God promotes man, the character is there to uphold him. This is why Paul told us to renew our minds on a daily basis – to remind ourselves WHO WE ARE. When I see a Christian gossiping, insecure, manipulative, off-base with beliefs…etc…I think to myself, “They don’t know who they are.” You need to know who you are and seeing clearly, you’ll be able to discern whether or not the character is there or not. I had red flags from this boy from the get-go, but I excused them. Had I heeded the Holy Spirit, I would have been the one who ghosted him (just kidding, ghosting isn’t cool).
2. Holy Spirit will answer your questions!
So many times I have heard “give it another chance” or “maybe you haven’t known him long enough” – do you think that if you ask the Holy Spirit to lead you in relationships that he won’t tell you STRAIGHT AWAY whether something is right or wrong? You can be confident that GOD wants you to be in a healthy, marriage-as-the-outcome relationship! He isn’t going to let you waste time and emotion on a man if the end is destructive. It is wrong for you to feel directionless in a relationship. You can know – and I 100% believe this – that you can determine whether or not a man is “the one” from the beginnings of the friendship. You can FOR SURE know 100% whether or not he is “the one” on the first date. If you know the voice of the Holy Spirit he will LEAD you! Just listen.
3. No man is above the Word of God
You need to know what your Bible standards are when it comes to relationship and be UNMOVED. Things like sex before marriage are one of those Bible standards that cannot be changed by man’s will or opinion. Another thing would be doctrine. What do you believe and why? Is Jesus the Son of God? – yes! That is an unmoving standard. Do you trust God to bring you a man who has the same convictions and that together you pull each other deeper into intimacy with Jesus? You should. If someone is full of charm yet what comes out of their lips isn’t Godly, a red flag should go up immediately and you should walk the other way. If ever a man is pressuring you into pre-marital sexual relations, that is a man who doesn’t know who he is in Christ, and definitely one you need to shut down communication with. If it’s unbiblical, unethical, or illegal – you have no part in it, period.
4. Chase The One and not “the one”
This is huge. You are complete as a person because of Jesus. Your life is happening RIGHT NOW. Dreaming about marriage is natural (though it shouldn’t consume you) – but it shouldn’t stop you from being obedient to God now. If you’re so focused on finding the man you’re supposed to marry you’ll start comparing different men with each other, “he’s great but what if there’s someone greater?” – yikes! Wrong focus. The greatest man of all is Jesus. If you make your relationship with him your focus, your singlehood will be a massive, God-driven adventure. So many girls hold off on their dreams because they’re waiting for their life to start. Your talents, visions, dreams, and goals won’t change when you get married – they’ll just be added to another’s vision, talents, goals, and dreams. Use what you have now to further the Kingdom of God and watch the drama of “boys” cease to exist.
4. Be confident
Know who you are and be confident in that. Know what and why you believe as you do and be unashamed! Know that God cares more about your future than you do, and so you can be confident that you can obey him (even when it’s difficult). Ask God what He wants you doing now with what you have. No matter what age you find yourself, there is always a mission God has you on. You can know exactly who you are, and when you know that, you begin to see boys/men as God’s sons first. You don’t have to be afraid of failure like divorce or being trapped in marriage or marrying the wrong guy. You can be CONFIDENT that you can hear the voice of God and you have the empowerment to OBEY.
Clayton Jennings is not the standard. No man is. Jesus is the standard, and you already have him. Your happiness, your fulfillment, your joy, your purpose, all of those things are already found in Jesus. Eventually, if you’re called to marriage, you will find a deep earthly relationship that mirrors Christ’s and the body of Christ – and it is AMAZING. If you’re called to marriage, it is a million times better than being single. There are good, Godly, Jesus-obeying, men out there right now, some are being raised by Godly parents, some are praying for their spouses, and some are just now beginning to seek intimacy with God (some might not even know Jesus yet!). The point is this: Clayton Jennings isn’t every man and so don’t be jaded by this scandal. Leave Clayton to his Father – he is in good hands there. There are men who hold microphones that were promoted by God to do so. There are men who will never hold microphones that God would call his true sons. Build your worldview on the Bible, not the other way around.
Single ladies, you are absolutely priceless to your Father. He loves you more than you will ever be able to comprehend. Like a good Father, he wants only the best for you. To lead you on the best path requires your participation, you have to walk with Him. You have got to become engaged with the process, the relationship, the plan; He wants to share secrets with you. Change the conversation of your singlehood! Make it about God and not about men. After all, our eternity will be spent without an earthly husband. Marriage is an earthly state. No matter whom you marry, what you accomplish on earth as a couple or on your own, is what will last into eternity. Begin to build the Kingdom of God and your entire life will be a testimony of his goodness, faithfulness, and salvation.
“But thanks be to God, who always leads us triumphantly in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of Him.” 2 Corinthians 2:14